| a dating blog? |
[11 Aug 2010|08:07pm] |
In the past week or so, I've realized that my dating habits are extremely erratic, spontaneous, and just sometimes ridiculous. They even keep me entertained for a while, which is saying something. Therefore I've decided to start recording my dating habits. Maybe I'll start having a clearer head about the guys I date and won't fuck up so much.
I'm going to start off with a history. This is where I really need to look hard, to notice trends and mistakes that I've made so I can have some hope for the future (aka, tonight).
Tyler I'd say the best place to start is with my real first love, Tyler Clark. I'd always had a little crush on him and saw him as someone better than me, so when he asked me out, I was really excited. I told everyone. We hit it off immediately. Tyler and I were so close, we spent every second together, we were sickeningly affectionate. He'd always felt a little distant though, so I was very insecure and blamed myself for his lack of enthusiasm. I got really self-conscious and doubted the relationship constantly and it pushed him away. Two months before we broke up, I moved in with him. He broke up with me around Christmas. It was one of the most difficult things I had gone through. I was a total wreck.
This is the best picture I can access because we've bothed blocked eachother out of our lives so dramatically.
Paulmer (on the couch) At this point, I became really close with his room mate, Paulmer. Paulmer had a thing for me before in the past, and always acted a little different towards me. We were really close friends already and we had a special bond, a little more than friendship. I ended up rebounding on him. He was one of three friends I had. The four of us would spend every second together. They became my family and the only thing that mattered. We had a little fuckbuddy thing that very quickly became something mroe serious. He told me he'd always loved me, that he cared abuot me more that anyone else, that he would pick me over his friendship with Tyler, that we were meant to be together. It got harder and harder to keep it from Tyler. One night while I was at work, Paulmer told Tyler. When Paulmer picked me up that night, he told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and that I was banned from the apartment. I flipped my shit, of course. We had a huge fight and didn't talk for months.
Dustin Him leaving me like that also took my other friends with him. I was completely alone. It was a terrible time for me. I started hanging out with my brother a lot at his apartment, smoking a lot of weed and never going to school. I got really depressed. I started to get close to his roommate, Dustin, who he'd been friends with for ten years. That got awkward. Something went awry between Dustin and me, and it ultimately ended when his friend, Cody, lied to me, told me he was with antother girl and lied to me, and Dustin ended it when I confronted him about the matter, saying that I need to trust him and it wouldn't work if I couldn't. So that was over, but with no hard feelings or awkwardness. We remained friends.
Jake I went to the hookah bar one night to get out of the house and spend some time alone. While I was there, this kid came up and asked me to come smoke with them. I came over and one guy caught my eye. He was the most friendly and engaging. I moved to sit beside him. By the end of the session, I had his number and plans to see him the next day. I saw him the next day, smoked with him. We started hanging out regularly, smoking weed and awkwardly kissing from time to time. It never got serious. One day, we just randomly stopped talking and about a week later, he was in a relationship on facebook. Best part is that it was with this girl named Katie, who he'd talk about with me. "My friend, Katie," this and, "My friend, Katie," that. One day, while I was outside of his house waitingo n him, his mom came out and started talking to me and was suddenly like, "Wait, are you Katie?" Haaaa. It was the kind of thing that started happening to me a lot.
Josh So after Jake, I actually kept it on the DL guy-wise. It wasn't until towards the end of May, I went to my friend, Tara's, birthday party and got a little tipsy. My friend of seven years, Josh, happens to show up. It's a big deal because he dosen't party. Well, I pull him away from the party to go on a walk with me. On this walk, my drunken self decides to flirt with him to see if I can get him to like me. Then I talked shit about his girlfriend (which I had been doing the entire 3 years they had been dating) and by the end of hte night, he was seriously considering leaving her for me. Of course, two weeks later, on their prom night, he breaks up with her for me. We date for two months; but it's not passionate. It's calm, laid back, and with little affection. It was as though I got him to date me out of sport, not out of feelings for him. I had realized that almost immediately into our relationship but felt too guilty to end it. We basically just became best friends that would have sex occasionally. I met his dad, got close to him and his friends (which happened to include Paulmer... Awkward). One night he was having a party, and I drank a six-pack of Blue Moons. I ended up breaking up with him when I found out that he'd been texting his ex, the one thing i asked him not to do. I didn't feel threatened by her in the slightest. Basically, a guilt-free excuse to break up with him. We remained friends.
James (left) The night I broke up with Josh, I drunk-texted James. Being horny, of course. He told me to text him in the morning and we can make a date. I did. We hung out every single night for a week straight. Got very, very friendly. First time we had sex was in a hotel room he had gotten for us. We drank, went out to eat, fucked like three times. It was pretty awesome. We made it official but then I found out that he was really controlling. He got me to quit smoking, get a gym membership, cut back my work hours by like 20 a week, demanded I spend all of my free time with him, that I stopped being so aggressive and start being "sweet and girly," forced me to open my heart to him (which for some reason I did, even knowing deep down that he would make me miserable, i guess i was afraid to be alone), and then he broke up with me because he didn't feel the "romantic connection" and he "wasn't ready for a relationship." he was the first guy that I had brought home that my parents actually completely liked. He was a republican, he was going to school, he was a classic southern boy. But he was an asshole. he told me we'd stay close friends, and I barely heard from him after our break up except for his fucking birthday party.
Nathan (right) After James and I broke up, I was ready to be on the prowl again. I got a taste of a serious, commited relationship and decided that I wanted that, just not with james. So I went up Bent Mountain to a bonfire with all her country boy friends. They all pounced on me like fresh meat. One really went hard: Nathan. He was all up on my jock. I was all up on another guy's jock but that guy was unresponsive. Nathan ended up taking em back to my car and getting my number. I hung out with him for a couple days. He was a cool kid, but I just didn't feel that attraction. He was boring, I guess. He tried to hard a little bit, which is a turn off for me. He'd be too flirty and corny and talked about dating really early on. I felt pressured to like him back, and that alone was too much for me.
And this is where the story leaves off as of last night. Now, I'm just going to recap over my last entertaining 24 hours.
Alright. So last night was the last time I saw Nathan. I kinda told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship, that I was unstable, that I couldn't open up and it wasn't fair to him. He continued to awkwardly try to woo me. To make myself feel less guilty, I smoked him up quite a bit then told him I wanted to go home and go to bed. I actually did go to bed.
I woke up at midnight to a text from James, asking for birthday sex. I said, "I thought sex actually mattered to you now?" He replies, "If you're willing to come over to my house right now, I'd totally be down." I just went back to sleep. He texts me this morning saying, "I have to talk to you like right now." I thought maybe he was going to apologize. Nope. He was asking if I had his back, I told him depends. He told me he needed me to attend his birthday dinner tonight because he heard one of his exes might show up to start shit, and he needs me there to back him up. I decided I'd go, but then took it back after he was like, "I'm going to have other girls here." Fuck that awkwardness. I got better things to do. And I did.
I texted my friend, Charlie (left). I met him through my brother and Dustin. I had a huge crush on him at one point. I told him that our group dinner plans with Dustin, him, my brother, and I were canceled for tomorrow night. So we joke and pick for a little bit at eachother, and end up scheduling a dinner date for tonight. Hot damn, I think. I know it's not a real date but I still get to go out with Charlie and he wants to go out with me!
Not half an hour later does Dustin's manager and friend, Cory, texts me. I had always thought he was very uniquely attractive and liked being around him. A week earlier, I went in to Dustin's Verizon that he works at and Cory hardcore hit on me. It was cute. I thought, "I'd really like a chance with him. I don't think he'd be interested though." So he's texting me, talking about how he regrets that our dinner plans for the next night didnt work. But then he says, "But I'd really like to hang out with you soon." Bam. Done. I tell him, tonight at 8. He agrees. I ask where, he says his house. I jump on that.
I'm on my way to Cory's now. I'm excited :D
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